"Hey." "Hi." "Hello." Sound familiar? These generic openers vanish into the digital void. If your messages aren't getting replies, your opener might be the problem. Here are 10 proven conversation starters that actually spark engaging, memorable conversations.
Why Generic Openers Fail
Bland openers like "hey" demonstrate zero effort. They force the recipient to do all the conversational work. In an environment where everyone receives dozens of messages, standing out requires specificity, curiosity, and authenticity.
The best openers accomplish three things simultaneously: they reference something specific from the person's profile, ask an open-ended question, and convey genuine personality. Let's explore proven formulas.
1. The Profile Deep Dive
Formula: "I noticed [specific detail from their profile] + related question"
Example: "That photo from Preikestolen is incredible! Was the hike as intense as it looks?"
Why it works: Shows you actually looked at their profile, references a shared interest (travel/hiking), and asks an easy-to-answer but revealing question.
Oslo twist: "I see you're into Norwegian literature - have you read any of Karl Ove Knausgård's work?"
2. The Local Connection
Formula: "Since we're both in Oslo, what's your take on [local topic]?"
Example: "Oslo's café scene is amazing. What's your go-to spot for a good coffee in Grünerløkka?"
Why it works: Establishes immediate common ground (shared city), references a specific neighborhood, and asks for a recommendation (people love sharing opinions).
Bonus: Can lead to meeting suggestion if conversation flows well.
3. The Hypothetical Scenario
Formula: "If you could [fun hypothetical], what would you choose?"
Example: "If you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would it be and why?"
Why it works: Thought-provoking but not too heavy. Reveals values and interests. Opens door to follow-up about their choice.
Variations: "If you won the lottery tomorrow, what's the first thing you'd do?" or "If you could instantly master any skill, what would it be?"
4. The Shared Interest Play
Formula: "We both like [interest] - what's your favorite [specific aspect]?"
Example: "Both of us are into photography - do you prefer street photography or landscapes?"
Why it works: Leverages algorithmic matching or profile overlap. Asks for preferences rather than yes/no, invites comparison and discussion.
Pro tip: Use this when you genuinely share interests. Faking common interests backfires quickly.
5. The Two Truths and a Lie Game
Formula: "Want to play a quick game? I'll share two truths and a lie about me - you guess which is the lie. Then you do the same!"
Example: "Alright, about me: 1) I've climbed Kilimanjaro, 2) I speak four languages, 3) I've never eaten pizza. Which do you think is the lie?"
Why it works: Interactive, fun, reveals personal facts in playful way. Creates immediate engagement and reciprocity.
6. The "This or That" Question
Formula: "[Option A] or [Option B]?" with follow-up "why?"
Example: "Beach vacation or mountain cabin? And more importantly, why?"
Why it works: Extremely low effort to answer, reveals preferences and personality. Follow-up "why" encourages elaboration.
Oslo-relevant: "Fjord or forest hikes?" "Coffee or tea?" "Summer or winter in Oslo?"
7. The Observation Opener
Formula: "I noticed [observation about them] + what's the story?"
Example: "Your dog in that photo has such a happy expression - what's their name and personality like?"
Why it works: Shows attention to detail, references something tangible (pet photos are gold), invites storytelling.
Caution: Only use positive, flattering observations. Never comment on appearance in a way that could feel judgmental.
8. The "Worst/Best" Question
Formula: "What's the best/worst [something] you've ever [done/experienced]?"
Example: "What's the best meal you've ever had in Oslo? And conversely, the most memorable terrible meal?"
Why it works: Story prompt! People love sharing memorable experiences (good or bad). These questions almost always yield entertaining stories.
9. The Recommendation Request
Formula: "Since you're into [their interest], could you recommend [something related]?"
Example: "Your profile says you're a vinyl collector. Any favorite record shops in Oslo?"
Why it works: Makes them the expert, shows you value their opinion, leads to discussion about shared tastes.
Oslo gold: Asking for local recommendations shows you're new or exploring - gives them chance to showcase local knowledge.
10. The "One Unique Thing" Question
Formula: "What's something about you that would surprise most people?"
Example: "Looking at your profile, you seem [adjective]. What's something that would surprise people about you?"
Why it works: Goes beyond surface-level, invites self-disclosure, reveals personality layers. People enjoy sharing unique facts about themselves.
Putting It All Together
The key isn't memorizing these lines - it's understanding the underlying principles:
- Be specific: Reference actual profile content, not generic attributes
- Ask open-ended questions: "What's your favorite...?" not "Do you like...?"
- Show personality: Let your humor, curiosity, or wit come through
- Be authentic: Use openers that feel natural to you
- Follow up: The opener is just the beginning - engage with their response
What to Avoid
These openers consistently underperform:
- "Hey"/"Hi"/"Hello" - zero effort
- Physical compliments - "You're beautiful/handsome" feels shallow
- Sexual comments - inappropriate for first messages
- "What do you do?" - boring, feels like an interview
- "How's your day?" - too vague, requires summarization
- Copy-pasted lines - inauthentic, easily spotted
Next Steps After the Opener
Getting a reply is just step one. Keep momentum by:
- Responding within reasonable time (don't play games)
- Building on their responses with follow-up questions
- Sharing about yourself reciprocally
- Eventually suggesting a video chat on OsloChat when conversation flows naturally