Stuck on what to say when you see someone interesting? The first message sets the tone for the entire conversation. Learn proven strategies for opening lines that stand out, spark genuine interest, and lead to engaging video chats.
Why "Hey" Doesn't Work Anymore
Let's address the elephant in the room: generic openers get ignored. "Hey," "Hi," "Hello" - these require zero effort from the sender and therefore get zero effort in return. Research shows that personalized, thoughtful first messages receive significantly higher response rates. Your goal isn't just to say something - it's to start a conversation worth continuing.
The 3 Elements of a Great First Message
Effective opening lines share three key components:
- Specificity: Reference something from their profile
- Question: Include an easy-to-answer question
- Personality: Let your genuine character show
Let's break down each element with real examples.
1. Reference Their Profile (Show You Paid Attention)
The biggest mistake people make is treating every match the same. Your match took time to create a profile - reward that effort by actually reading it. Reference something specific:
- Photo-based: "That photo at Vigelandsparken is incredible - was it spring when you visited?"
- Bio-based: "I see you're into Norwegian literature - have you read Knausgård's latest?"
- Interest-based: "Your hiking photos are amazing. What's your favorite trail near Oslo?"
This demonstrates genuine interest and instantly sets you apart from 90% of other messages they receive.
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions
A great question can't be answered with "yes" or "no." It invites elaboration and keeps the conversation flowing:
- Good: "What's the story behind your favorite photo?"
- Good: "If you could recommend one hidden gem in Oslo to a visitor, what would it be?"
- Weak: "Nice photo" (closed-ended, requires no response)
- Weak: "Do you like hiking?" (yes/no question)
The best questions are light, positive, and related to shared interests or experiences.
3. Inject Personality
Don't be afraid to let your sense of humor or quirks show (appropriately). A touch of personality makes you memorable:
- Playful: "I have to ask - are you as much of a coffee addict as your bio suggests?"
- Humorous: "Between your hiking photos and love of jazz, I'm convinced we'd get along. Or we'd argue about music for hours."
- Warm: "Your smile is contagious! How's your week going so far?"
Authenticity is magnetic. People respond to genuine voices, not canned pickup lines.
Topic Ideas That Work
Some subjects naturally lead to engaging conversations:
- Local Oslo spots: "Best café for studying in Grünerløkka?"
- Hobbies/interests: "Your photography is stunning - what do you most enjoy shooting?"
- Travel experiences: "I see you've been to Lofoten - was it as breathtaking as the photos?"
- Cultural events: "Any plans for the Oslo Jazz Festival this summer?"
- Food: "Your taco photo makes me hungry - best taco spot in town?"
Examples of Winning First Messages
Here are templates you can adapt:
- "Your profile gives off such cozy vibes! Are you as big a fan of hygge as I am?"
- "That hiking photo looks incredible - which trail is it? I'm always looking for new Oslo-area hikes."
- "We both listed jazz as an interest - have you been to any good concerts lately?"
- "I noticed you're into pottery - what's the most interesting thing you've made?"
- "Your dog in that photo is adorable! What's their name and what breed are they?"
What NOT to Say
Avoid these common pitfalls:
- Generic compliments: "You're beautiful/handsome" (everyone says this)
- Sexual comments: Never lead with anything suggestive or physical
- Negging/backhanded compliments: "You're pretty for your age" is insulting
- Braggging: "I earn X amount" or "I went to Y prestigious school" comes across poorly
- Pressuring for personal info: "Send me your number/Instagram" immediately feels invasive
Timing Matters Too
Send your message when the recipient is likely to be online and responsive. Evenings (7-10pm) and weekends generally see higher engagement. Avoid Monday mornings or late Friday nights when messages get buried.
What If They Don't Reply?
Not every message gets a response - and that's okay. Reasons someone might not reply:
- They're busy or offline
- They're overwhelmed with messages
- They're not actively seeking connections
- They simply weren't interested (and that's fine!)
Don't take it personally. Keep browsing, keep trying. Persistence (without spamming) pays off. If someone doesn't respond after a few days, feel free to move on.
Video Chat: The Next Step
Once you've established rapport through messaging, suggest a video chat. OsloChat makes this seamless - simply invite them to a video call. Video conversations deepen connections faster than text and help you gauge compatibility more authentically.
Key Takeaways
- Always personalize your opener based on their profile
- Ask open-ended questions that invite real responses
- Let your genuine personality shine through
- Be patient and don't overthink it - authenticity resonates
- If the conversation flows naturally, invite them to video chat